A relationship requires give and take. This is accomplished by talking and understanding each other’s feelings and dealing especially with issues that cause conflict. How do you do this? By being brave and having the courage to see clearly.
If you view the issue as a “problem,” then it needs to be solved. If you view the issue as your significant other’s opportunity to see themselves more clearly, or for you to see yourself more clearly, then it isn’t a problem that needs to be solved, it is just an exploration and expression of true deep feelings. Solving a conflict doesn’t always require action, but generally, we become happier when we do things that improve our relationships.
It’s all a matter of moving towards a better feeling thought, and better feeling actions.
If what you want is a great relationship, improving your thoughts frees you from negative mind states. For example, thinking about and doing a caring compassion act towards your partner eliminates feelings of guilt that you may feel for being insensitive. Caring about each other’s feelings is a wonderful intimate experience, and when you see through fear and pain, it’s a fantastic feeling.
Being able to express ourselves honestly is so healthy. Aren’t you proud of yourself when you break out of old negative patterns and move toward a new way of communicating? That’s what happens when we think with positive insight on any conflict or situation that makes us feel uncomfortable, and re-contextualizing it.
Embracing conflict, instead of running away from it, not only allows us to successfully negotiate relationship hurdles, but also gives us a sense of accomplishment!
How to: If necessary, get quiet, breath, take a break, and get back to your true self. Then go out there and be honest, and listen when your partner is, too. Understand. Be compassionate with your partner. Ask for compassion for your own internal struggles. You’ll be surprised at the result. You may even thank you partner for giving you clearer insight into your own heart. If you practice quickly getting back to your heart center, instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, small conflicts will stay small and large ones will heal faster.
Peace and love, Helen Berg, ©Helen Berg, www.helen-berg.com; Twitter: @thebergword.com; https://www.facebook.com/thebergword