Below is an excerpt from “What is Love? by Helen Berg; pp. 49-50; all rights reserved:
Expectations and Beliefs
“Sometimes there are events that we don’t expect that side-blind us. There was a study I read about once. It was a rather cruel test. One monkey was shocked regularly on the hour. Another monkey was shocked randomly. The one that was shocked regularly led a fairly normal life, because it knew the shock would come at a certain time, but that it would pass. The monkey that was shocked at random times, lost its appetite, became withdrawn and grew old very fast. It never knew when the next shock would come, or how long it would last, and thus it was startled every time. It’s those side-blinding events that deeply affect us. Because we don’t expect them, we never see them coming. Often we bury those feelings the deepest. Sometimes it takes hypnosis, or other psychotherapy, to bring these deep injuries out. Our expectations can make us suffer.
“I think pessimists have it over optimists. My friend once said that pessimists think everything is going to go wrong, and when it doesn’t, they’re pleasantly surprised. Optimists, on the other hand, think everything is going to work out fine, and when it doesn’t, they’re crushed. But I think my friend is wrong. What we put in our mind, what we believe will happen, usually does happen. If we think everything is going to go wrong, it probably will. Not because everything is actually wrong, but rather, because the person thinks it is. Belief is everything. Thomas Edison made 199 attempts to invent the light bulb. His friend asked him how he stayed positive after “failing” 199 times. Edison responded that he didn’t fail. He just learned 199 ways not to make a light bulb!
“In love, when a relationship doesn’t work out, we can look at it as a failure, or we can look at it as just one more way not to do a relationship. We can look at what worked, and what didn’t work. We can expand those things that made us feel good, or made the other person feel good. Those things that had the opposite effect supply contrast. None of it is failing if you don’t look at it that way. It’s simply learning. When life is most difficult, and when we are most uncomfortable, if we pay attention, that is when we can learn volumes! It’s like God is trying to get our attention with pain and suffering. God is saying, “Hey! Look at this! Why are you feeling or reacting the way you are? There’s something to work on here! And if you figure it out, you will grow in understanding about yourself. And next time you see that person, you can do better.” It’s kind of an “ouch,” then “oh . . .” response. The last thing you want to do is beat yourself up for something you did or didn’t do. That doesn’t accomplish anything. Look at why you did it, and why you feel uncomfortable now. Dig deep. The reason may be conditioning from your relationships with your parents or from a former relationship, or even a former life!
“It’s a matter of shifting perception back to the positive (learning), and away from the negative (dwelling on the painful experience). When we do this, we eliminate the personal hells that can hold us for an eternity.”
End of excerpt.
You can purchase a copy of: “What Is Love?” by Helen Berg at: https://www.amazon.com/What-Love-Higher-Levels-Loving/dp/1504339916/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1589913047&sr=8-1
Love, health and happiness,
Helen Berg; http://www.helenberg.com