Man and woman holding by hands and making love heart

Man and woman joining mind, body and spirit.

I know many people that have a struggle with how making love figures into the equation of True Unconditional Love.

Some think it is a natural progression to true intimacy. Others think the physical represents the joining of mind, body and spirit, and that without true mental, emotional and spiritual intimacy, physical intimacy lack depth and breadth.

What is true intimacy? It’s a knowing of the other person’s likes, wants, needs and desires. It’s a knowing of their hopes and dreams, their deepest fears, and it’s knowing who they are right now and accepting where they are at on their spiritual journey. Once you truly know someone, you are on the path to true intimacy.

True Love is a complete acceptance of every aspect of another’s being; accepting all parts, rejecting nothing, listening to the deepest parts of them, knowing where they are at, but trying to change nothing, and realizing that it is the collection of their experiences, everything they’ve heard, read, experienced, and lived that makes them who they are. When you know and accept the other person fully, that is the beginning of true intimacy. It has nothing to do with a physical act.

Physical intimacy releases a concoction of hormones that can lead to a feeling of euphoria. It truly blocks out all pain and can elevate us to a hormone-induced “higher state.” This high is short-lived if mental, emotional and spiritual intimacy is not present. Once the sex is over, you return to your world and your physical self, without any true increase in emotional or spiritual connection. Physical intimacy can be nothing more than another drug used to escape reality if the “high” from physical intimacy is what you seek.

How do you distinguish whether making love is an extension of true intimacy or just another “high”? Ask yourself these questions: “does you partner truly know and understand you?” And, “do you really know and understand your partner?” And knowing all there is to know about the person you truly love, “do you accept every part of them?” And, “do they accept every part of you?” Acceptance is key; truly understanding with compassion is penultimate.

Since True Love has no conditions, and allows each person to fully be who they are, then each person must come to desire for physical intimacy at their own pace. Generally that happens when a person feels safe. A person feels safe when they can be their true self around the other person. It also comes when a person feels powerful. True power comes with a knowing that no person, place or thing can ever shake the peaceful center within you because you know yourself, you have nurtured yourself, and you have allowed yourself to bloom into the person you truly are indifferent to the good opinions of others. Then you will be a flower, fully open.

True intimacy cannot be forced any more than one can force a flower to blossom. One should wait until one feel known, understood and accepted. You will know this has happened when you feel comfortable and at ease in your relationship every moment of every day. When there is regular harmony and joy. Then “making love” will be a true joining of mind, body and spirit, and there will be no reservations.

“What is true of me is true of everyone. We are all learning to look within ourselves to find the wisdom to live harmoniously.” Louise Hay

Love, Helen Berg

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