One day I made an intention to see butterflies.  It was an experiment from a book I read.  The main focus was on the notion that what you focus on expands. For the next 48 hours, I saw butterflies, a lot of them, beyond what my intention asked for.  Butterflies flew up to my window when I was sitting in the car and hovered over the driver’s side window.  Butterflies almost crashed into me when I was riding my bike.  Butterflies, I noticed, were everywhere.  I just needed to focus on them and seethem.

So it is with everything.  If you see struggles and conflicts in your relationship, those struggles and conflicts will expand because that is what you are focusing on.  If you see faults in others, those faults will grow and expand in your mind, and you may even see other faults, because that is what you are looking for.  We even justify and defend our visions, because we need to be right.  But they are only our perceptions, projected on the other person:  what we focus on expands.

On the other hand, if you see that everything in life, and in your relationship, as joyful ninety-nine percent of the time, and once in a while there are struggles, and you focus on the ninety-nine percent, noticing how wonderful things are, and how wonderful and beautiful your partner is in various way, you will have a different perspective and a different experience.  What you focus on expands.

What if you thought every morning of the ten things you like about your life, and then you thought about the ten things you like about your partner.  What if you spent ten minutes every morning when you wake up being grateful for the gifts you have in your life, and the gifts your partner gives to you every day. Would your life change?

What if you focused on and remembered when your partner talked about love, understanding, acceptance, joy and peace. I know that when my partner tells me I’m a loving and kind person, I want to be more loving and kind.  I know when my partner encourages my desire to paint, or encourages my dream to share my unique wisdom with the world; I want to do more of that.  I know when my partner shares his vision of a happy, wholesome life together, and listens to my vision of a perfect life going forward, I want to make that vision come true.  That’s why we like fairy tales and happy endings.  Even with the greatest of conflicts on the movie screen, do you notice that most of our movies end with a pretty good resolution for the heroes and heroines?  Be a hero to your partner.  Focus on their good.  What you focus on expands.


Helen, http://helen-berg.com