One day I made an intention to see butterflies. It was an experiment from a book I read by Pam Grout, called “E3.” The main focus was on the notion that what you focus on expands. For the next 48 hours, I saw butterflies, a lot of them, beyond what I expected. Butterflies flew up to my window when I was sitting in the car and hovered over the driver’s side window. Butterflies almost crashed into me when I was riding my bike. Butterflies, I noticed, were everywhere. I just needed to focus on them and see them.
So it is with everything.
What if you thought every morning of the ten things you liked about your life. What if you spent ten minutes every morning being grateful for the gifts you have in your life. What if you spent 10 minutes every day telling a person in your life how grateful you are for them. Do you think your life would change?
Even with great conflicts in our theater movies, do you notice that most of the movies have a pretty good resolution at the end for the heroes and heroines? Be a hero to yourself. Focus on your good. Bet a hero to others. Focus on their good. Be a hero to the world. Focus on the good in people, and what we’ve accomplished for humankind. Give positive reinforcement. What you focus on expands. See butterflies.
One day I woke up and knew I had changed dramatically. But the process took a while. Sometimes, I didn’t even know that I was making little progresses. But, in the aggregate, change happened and I began to see the effects in my life, little by little, until one day, I started to fly. I was becoming the person I imagined I could be.
The most important thing is to take one step, and then another. As you do, the next step appears. The universe is conspiring to allow for your success. Then you start to flap your wings and jump, and the next thing you know, you’re flying! It all begins with your desire, which moves to courage and a willingness to move forward.
Start by writing down what you want: positive feelings, positive actions, positive dreams, and things you are grateful for. Listen for the guidance. Each year we are given an opportunity to change. To begin again. Start by waking up with positive thoughts, finish the day being grateful for the good things that happened in the day. Gratitude will put your mind into a place where dreams can come true. Once in the dream state, you can do anything.
Write down your dreams. Write down what you want to dream about. Meditate on that. You mind will expand, and so will you, as you move forward in your life.
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step…” Lao Tsu
Excerpt, from “What Is Love” by Helen Berg, pp. 1-2:
“Love has been defined by masters and sages. Endless stories have been inspired by love, both lamenting and chasing after it. Every movie has love as part of its plot, and Love inspires endless songs and poems. But, what is this emotion that inspires so much passion, playfulness, fun, joy, longing, loyalty, and when we are separated from it, heartbreak and pain? That is the burning question.
“I like to say that Love is a force that cannot be measured by any technology we have today, but it is as pervasive and expansive as the universe itself. Scientists say that there is a force beyond gravity that holds galaxies, in fact the entire universe, together. They call it “dark energy.” I suppose they call it this because it is the space between the atoms, and the unseen energy that holds light bodies together. I like the name “love energy” better, though I doubt the scientific community will accept it. As indefinable as “dark energy” is, “love energy” is the same. I believe it is love energy that not only holds the universe together; it holds all meaningful relationships together. Love energy is the essence of real love, “True Love,” that binds us to each other, to the world and to everything in it. When you have love in your heart, and in your life, it feels good.
“This book is about tapping into this positive, free-flowing energy and expanding it in our everyday lives. We start with what we know, and what we were taught. I believe that we knew what love was when we were born, because we came from pure love; we came from a source of True Love. Some call it heaven. But then we were “taught” what love is by our parents, caregivers, books, television and movies. Even thought it didn’t always feel good, we accepted what we were taught both consciously and subconsciously. That knowledge is what we carried forward into our future relationships. Sometimes the programming was right, but many times, it wasn’t. Yet we strove on, looking for that which we could not define but which we knew in our hearts existed. For me, there was a disconnect between the wildly romantic dramas that always led to happy endings, and the romantic relationships in my life. I sought to figure out why. I wanted my happy ending. And so I began a journey of discovery that led to me writing this book. Did I find True Love? Yes. But the path wound around confusing me often, but also delighting and inspiring me. This is where I started.”
Excerpt from “What is Love?” by Helen Berg, p. 57-59; All rights reserved.
“Do you want to be real? Write your own life movie. Pen the words and melody to your own song, your own conflicts of heart. Don’t let romance novels, songs, T.V. dramas or even Shakespeare plays define you. Know who you are. What is the story of your life? Start to make a picture. Remember the good and bad, but then write it down the way you would have liked it to have been, and then start living your life that way. Write down how you would like your life to be now. What changes you would like to make. Frame your life in the most positive light possible. What’s missing? Do you want the love of your life? What does he or she look like? What does s/he act like? What is your perfect job? Think the thoughts you would think if you were a famous singer, composer, painter, CEO, writer; lover and/or partner. Bethe characters that you would love to play most! See the relationship you want to have, the partner you want to have. To be it, you must see it.
“Many people spend numerous hours in front of the T.V. But watching someone else’s exciting life is not going to get you there. How much more meaningful would your life be, if instead of being a silent witness to other people’s lives, you started living your own life, fully, without reservation, honestly, saying what was in your head and in your heart. What if you lived your life authentically, accepting and being who you truly are? Not letting fear, guilt or self-judgment prevent you from living your life courageously, joyously and peacefully. What if you could lovingly accepting all that was in your heart, and be able to express it? What if you could fully open up and not only be compassionate to what other’s need, but compassionate about what you need and want? What if you were willing to talk, to listen, to share the human drama however it unfolds every moment of every day, without judgment and without fear? It would be great. It isgreat. You just need to see it and do it!
“Our bodies want to live. Perhaps that is why so many seek the high of drinking and drugs, escaping the hollowness, the emptiness they feel because they are quietly watching their lives go by, and want something more. The high makes a person feel more powerful. “But the balance of nature dictates that to artificially acquire that state without having earned it creates a debt,” and the cost of such stolen pleasure is the desperation of addition. So drugs and drinking are not the solution, they only cause a greater problem.
“Interaction with other human beings is the answer. It doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you do something and pay attention. Each interaction helps us learn. We learn what works for us, and what doesn’t. We get to know what is in our hearts and in our head. We learn when we fall down, and when we lose our reason. We look at everything, everyday with new eyes, accepting the mistakes or failure as just one more way not to do a relationship. You know what is real and good. Affirm what works for you. Affirm your values, every day, and don’t compromise what is really important. If someone can’t accept your values, move on. But don’t accept others’ values as yours. Don’t let the scripted, edited interactions of T.V. or movies guide you. Know yourself. Know your triggers and sensitivities. Find someone who is compassionate to these. People fall down, make mistakes, get up, brush themselves off, try again, fall down again, stand up again, laugh, cry, hold hands, kiss, smile, frown, weep and bounce off the walls. We’re sane, and a little bit crazy, but at the end of the day, the sun sets for all of us.
“Don’t let the illusions in books, on T.V. or in the movies guide your life. Live your own story. Give all your life to it.”
Excerpt from “What is Love” by Helen Berg, pp. 73-74, 84:
“Sometimes I do an active appreciation meditation. From the moment I wake up, I think about how much I enjoyed sleeping; maybe I feel the softness of the comforter I’m laying under; I smile at the light coming through my window; and if it’s sunny I smile even more. I think about how wonderful it is that water is showering me and that I have soft towels. And when I sip my tea, it is incredible, the taste! And food! I’m even crazier about food. We have such abundance: God has given us such a bounty of fruits, vegetables, grains; and when I eat vegetables or meat, I bless the spirit of the plant or animal that died so I might eat it; and I take its spirit into me and make it alive again—because all things taken within us become alive in us.
“One time I was meditating in the lotus position with hands open on my knees. I began sending the love energy that was within me out into the universe. I did this for a few minutes, then focused inward again, and sat quietly. Suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, I felt a rush of love energy come right back into my hands. It startled me a bit, but then I realized that all around the world monks, priests, yogis, divine masters and ordinary people are sending out love energy to our world, to all sentient beings and to the universe!
“It was at that moment I realized I was not alone.
“We are never alone.
“We are all connected, whether you want to be or not.
“That is why, even when you’re not with someone, you still feel his or her energy.
“If you tune in, you can feel other beings.
“You can feel God.
“You can speak with God, or other divine beings; just like you can chat with your emotions.
“Meditation is the beginning of understanding, deepening, and opening to all that you are and all that there is.
“It is the beginning of finding True Love, the infinite love of the Universe.
“You find it in the world because you find it in yourself.
A relationship requires give and take. This is accomplished by talking and understanding each other’s feelings and dealing, especially, with issues that cause conflict. How do you do this? By being brave and having the courage to see the issue clearly, being willing to share your thoughts, and most importantly, to listen. That way you gain understanding and are able to reach a solution if that is your goal. Sometimes all we really want is for someone to listen, and help us figure out the issue for ourselves.
Perhaps your significant other needs help defining the issue, or seeing themselves more clearly. Perhaps your significant other needs you to see yourself, or your own behavior more clearly. That isn’t a “problem” that needs to be solved so much as it is a request to explore and express true deep feelings. Solving a conflict doesn’t always require action, sometimes just listening to our partner’s concern is enough. Don’t rush to action, take time to understand. We rush sometimes to defend our own actions, or to reach a solution, when all that is required is to understand how our actions may be making someone else feel.
We all must take responsibility for our own feelings. One should always avoid saying, “YOU made me feel this way.” Better to say, “I feel this way. Here is the action/inaction that precipitated the feeling. I know I’m responsible for my own feelings, but I’m having trouble getting past this one.” Expressed as an angry complaint, one would say: “YOU didn’t put the cap back on the toothpaste!” Expressed with love and compassion for self and your significant other, it might be said in this way: “When you don’t put the cap back on the toothpaste, I feel like you don’t respect our shared space in the bathroom, and that makes me feel like you don’t respect me.” Now we’ve gotten down to the real problem.
Almost all “problems” in relationships are feelings of not being loved. Ask your partner, “how can I better love you?” and “how can you better love me?” Another good question is, “How can I better love myself?” Maybe the solution is having your own bathroom space where you can keep it as neat and clean as you like. Sounds like love to me! If you can’t have a separate space, then tell your partner that when s/he puts the cap back on the toothpaste, it makes you feel loved, and happy. The saying goes, “A happy wife is a happy life.” While that may be true, an updated version might be, “A happy spouse is a happy house.” Both partners need to find joy in the relationship. It is never a one-sided deal.
If what you want is a great relationship, communicating, understanding and being willing to look at your own architecture, as well as know your partner’s true self (scars and all), is necessary. You wouldn’t be together if you didn’t love each other. Remember that. Think about the deeper feelings that might be involved. Maybe your partner wasn’t respected by a parent, or in another relationship.
Decide if you are magnifying the issue in your own mind. Improve your own thoughts. By doing so, you may improve your own mind state to the point that you don’t need to discuss the issue. But if you do, remember to be honest, friendly and loving.
Embracing conflict in a positive way, instead of running away from it out of fear of rejection, not only allows us to successfully negotiate relationship hurdles, but is honest and allows the other person to see the real you. Being vulnerable and real is attractive. No one wants their partner to fake happiness; that can be felt too. While discussing issues may be uncomfortable, how much more uncomfortable is it when a relationship ends for lack of good communication? It’s heart-breaking!
Understand. Be compassionate with your partner. Ask for compassion for your own internal struggles. You’ll be surprised at the result. You may even thank your partner for giving you a clearer understand of your own emotions. If you practice listening and understand, you can more quickly getting back to your heart center where love resides. Then, instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, small conflicts can be resolved quickly and they will stay small, and large ones will be met with compassion, a smile, and a positive mind set because you know any conflict can be resolved with kindness, understanding and love.
Peace, health and happiness, and most of all, Love,
“We must breathe love in like a balm to heal our wounds and make us whole and strong. When we breathe in the love of God and the universe in meditation, when that is all that’s left overafter the clearing of old negative thoughts, we can intuitively and spontaneously walk in the right direction. We will know True Love when we feel it because we truly know what love is. No longer held back by fear and ignorance, we will wisely leap into the abyss, knowing when love is right and good. Why? Because now we have knowledge of what love is, and what it is not. As we clear, we focus more and more on our intuitive knowing of love. We use the books to learn, then we set them down and live. With our energies unblocked and chakras spinning, Love will feel radiant and bright like light itself.
“Try this exercise. Every time something in your life feels wonderful, say “this is love.” When I write, when I paint, when I hug my daughter and granddaughter, when I really look at trees, flowers, the sky, now I say, “this is love,” and smile. Love is all around us. In the words of Elizabeth Barrett Browning:
“Earth’s crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God,
And only he who sees takes off his shoes;
The rest sit around it and pluck blackberries.”
“When we truly know love within ourselves, we will see it in the world and in everyone else. We will sense the people who are awake to this knowledge, and those who still are asleep and blindfolded by their egos. We may still make mistakes. But now with our foundation of knowledge strong and secure below us, and our consistent work to overwrite old programs through study and repetition, we can find within ourselves what we always knew was true, that we are love. We can then go forth with our intuition to deepen and share this knowledge.”
Love is patient. Love is kind. It goes the extra mile. It is soft in tone and touch. It is a positive force in the universe that heals all wounds. Without it you are a clanging gong, a noisy cymbal. Returning to love makes everything feel better. It gives meaning and depth to all you do. When you have True Love, your life is more interesting and exciting. It is also more challenging, for we do not find the meaning in life alone–it takes connection with others–but the effort is worth it.
The quality of love you are able to give in any relationship is the quality of love you have within yourself. You cannot give that which you do not possess. That is why True Love must bloom at your heart center first.
You must truly love yourself: forgive yourself, nurture yourself, respect yourself. When you do this, and let go of past “sins,” and view yourself and others as positive, healthy, radiant light beings, then you will not only find True Love within yourself, you will find it in all of your relationships.
To find Love, you must know it. To have Love, you must be it.
My knowledge was acquired by years of experience and study, formal and informal; by interviews and readings of many masters, psychologists and spiritual counselors; by talking to other light beings who knew True Love and had success with love in life. In all of my relationships, True Love abounds and I have found peace in the knowing and sharing of it. I hope and pray for the same joy for you in your life, as I have known in mine.
Today I meditated. Some people do walking meditations, or sitting meditation, I do bathtub meditations. Water heals me. Also, it seems to soak away all energy that does not serve me. At the end, I imagine water pouring over my head, and as the bath water goes down the drain, I imagine that the sludge in my mind, and anywhere else in my body, goes down the drain too, and I am left clean and pure. It’s letting go of all energy that does not serve me, and it opens up a space for other energy to come in.
What came in for me today is a feeling that I am ensconced in white light, with angels all around me. I saw myself first as a butterfly, then as a white peace dove, then as an angel. I felt my wings, large and strong. Then beams of light connected me to all the angels that were around me. “Remember us?” They said. “Yes,” I said, “I remember.” I sat in their light.
I know that visualization during meditation can sounds surreal, but I never judge what comes to me. What happens when you connect to the divine is that, you connect to your divine wisdom, to the ancient wisdom that is in your cells and DNA. You connect to the wisdom of the beginning of man, to the beginning of time. I believe that we all have been around since the Big Bang–when it blew all of our spirits into existence–and we have been traveling around the universe, without a spaceship, ever since.
Whether real or not, whether an image I just create in my brain, or truth, it calms me. The knowledge that we are all connected to the universe, and to each other, brings me peace and releases from me earthly frustrations in a way that nothing else can. I sit in this peace for as long as I can, until I’m called back to the responsibilities of, and existence in, this earthly realm.
I hope, in these troubling times, that meditation can lead you to the same place; to a peace that transcends and transforms all fears, all suffering; to a peace beyond understanding.
“I am a Divine conduit for transforming the quality of people’s lives.” — Louise Hay
My whole life, I have been on a mission to explore, define and understand the meaning of the words, “True Love.” For me, it has always been about helping people heal their minds, bodies and spirits so that they can grow and bloom.
For most of my life, I broke down problems and counseled people emotionally when they lost their job or were physical injured. Together, we always arrived at solutions that took them positively forward into their future lives. Many times that meant accepting change and creating new visions.
If you are as passionate as I am about finding and maintaining true love, you have come to the right place. I welcome you to share your stories of how you found true love, and how you maintain it. True love raises the consciousness of the entire planet. Together we will find the truth. If I can lead you to a place of greater love, together we can change the world.
All it takes is courage and the willingness to explore…
