What You Focus On Expands


One day I made an intention to see butterflies.  It was an experiment from a book I read.  The main focus was on the notion that what you focus on expands. For the next 48 hours, I saw butterflies, a lot of them, beyond what my intention asked for.  Butterflies flew up to my window when I was sitting in the car and hovered over the driver’s side window.  Butterflies almost crashed into me when I was riding my bike.  Butterflies, I noticed, were everywhere.  I just needed to focus on them and seethem.

So it is with everything.  If you see struggles and conflicts in your relationship, those struggles and conflicts will expand because that is what you are focusing on.  If you see faults in others, those faults will grow and expand in your mind, and you may even see other faults, because that is what you are looking for.  We even justify and defend our visions, because we need to be right.  But they are only our perceptions, projected on the other person:  what we focus on expands.

On the other hand, if you see that everything in life, and in your relationship, as joyful ninety-nine percent of the time, and once in a while there are struggles, and you focus on the ninety-nine percent, noticing how wonderful things are, and how wonderful and beautiful your partner is in various way, you will have a different perspective and a different experience.  What you focus on expands.

What if you thought every morning of the ten things you like about your life, and then you thought about the ten things you like about your partner.  What if you spent ten minutes every morning when you wake up being grateful for the gifts you have in your life, and the gifts your partner gives to you every day. Would your life change?

What if you focused on and remembered when your partner talked about love, understanding, acceptance, joy and peace. I know that when my partner tells me I’m a loving and kind person, I want to be more loving and kind.  I know when my partner encourages my desire to paint, or encourages my dream to share my unique wisdom with the world; I want to do more of that.  I know when my partner shares his vision of a happy, wholesome life together, and listens to my vision of a perfect life going forward, I want to make that vision come true.  That’s why we like fairy tales and happy endings.  Even with the greatest of conflicts on the movie screen, do you notice that most of our movies end with a pretty good resolution for the heroes and heroines?  Be a hero to your partner.  Focus on their good.  What you focus on expands.


Helen, http://helen-berg.com

Are you a People Pleaser?

girl folded her hands in prayer at sunset

Please, please God let me be me.

Many of us were taught that we weren’t “deserving” of love unless we acted a certain way.  If I pleased my parents by doing the dishes, keeping my room clean, cleaning the house properly, getting good grades, etc., I got love and affection.  This set up a behavior pattern of trying to please people, and this behavior carried on into my relationships.

Have you ever thought that your life may have taken a different course if you weren’t so busy pleasing everyone?  I know I thought if I made everyone else happy, I’d be happy, too.  But we are only happy being our true authentic selves, and following our dreams.  Each of us has a unique gift to give the world and, if it is not expressed, you will feel like something is missing in your life.

I now surround myself with people who are supportive, and move away from people who aren’t.  I’m still willing to share other people’s activities and I always encourage my family, friends and significant other to pursue their dreams and desires.  I just fight the feeling of guilt that arises sometimes when I follow my own path.  I also surround myself, as much as possible, with people who support the things I love, and most importantly, who support my life’s work.

A healthy wholesome partner will have room for your dreams and desires, as well as their own, and support them.  Seek that.  I now also know that there is a force in the universe that always supported my dreams and desires when no one else did and this force is called my present sense energy, my omnipotent self, my true being at one with the universe, God, the enlightened one present in me.  When no one else cared, the divine mother/father that was in me cared for the eager tentative child with big dreams.

My divine mother and father are always there now, smiling, whenever I am true to myself.

©Helen Berg’’s Blog; www.helen-berg.com; Twitter.com/thebergword

Home is Where the Heart Is.

Home is where the heart is; in the center of our being when we connect with the universal spirit of all.  It is not a place.  In your heart-center, you can feel safe and free to express yourself truly.  The heart center is the place where our thoughts and words meet the creative actions fueled by your desires.  Know who you are.  Know what you were meant to contribute.  Then infuse your thoughts with the strength of your devotion and and bring love to it – all the love you have.  Then you will be home.

©Helen Berg’’s Blog; www.helen-berg.com; Twitter.com/thebergword

Newsletter – What does New Years mean to you?

I like the idea that New Years is a time for new beginnings.  Louise Hay says you can begin anew anytime, but I like the idea that after our “rebirth” at Christmas, we begin anew for another year.  For me, I am finally beginning my full-time writing career.  Monday I will start my new book, “Align Your Spirit and Your Spine.”  Wayne Dyer says he makes a cover first, and wraps it around an old book, then he places the book on a cleared off desk, with pictures of his family, friends and inspirational people on the desk or around it.  Then he start to write.  He just lets it flow out.  That’s what I’m going to do beginning Monday, January 6.

I’m also going to listen better.  One of the things that I’m really good at is talking, but not as good at listening.  That is because in almost every job I’ve ever had, I needed to communicate to other people on behalf of others.  Generally, that meant talking.  I would then listen, and even take notes, but sometimes I would loose focus or concentration on what I was listening to.  I’m not sure why.  Perhaps its how my brain is wired.  But other inspirational authors, Bruce Lipton for one, have convinced me that we can reprogram our amygdala (the almond-shape set of neurons located deep in the brain’s medial temporal lobe that is related to emotional responses).  Perhaps my not listening was an emotional response to never being able to express myself as a child.  Regardless of why, my affirmation for January is to train my mind to listen as well as I speak.

And that can only be good!

Love, Helen

What Is Love? – Humility

summer beautiful girl at sunset on the sea

I am humble by the sights and sounds of nature.

What is humility in Love?  Humility is sharing the truth of who you are at your soul level.  We all live in our own universe colored by the perceptions we’ve developed over a lifetime.  But there is another universe:  the universe of the soul.  There, we are all equal, strong, vibrant and beautiful.  If you tap into that universe, you can’t help knowing this wonderful truth:  at the base of our soul, we are all light energy expanding infinitely.  So why do we put such a premium on playing small?  Perhaps we don’t want people to see our confidence and strength for fear that we may seem arrogant or bold.  So we lower our eyes even when, inside each one of us, there is a wellspring of unique wisdom.  If you don’t share your unique wisdom with others in this lifetime, it will be forever lost.  Therefore, it is important to share your truth; you are the only one who can.

Humility is not being weak, but rather, to be without pride, pretense or over-assertiveness; patient, showing deferential respect.  It derives from the Latin word humilis, which mean low, base; from humus, meaning ground, soil, earth.  We are humble when we operate from the base of our souls; when we sink our roots into the soil of all that nourishes us; it’s what makes us human (Latin root meaning “earthing”), and gives us humor (Latin root meaning “liquid, fluid”); it’s what makes us humane:  imbued with kindness, mercy and compassion.  If being “humble” does not raise these feelings of humanness in you, then it is not humility; it is arrogance—staying quiet for the sake of politeness, yet lacking empathy, warmth or forgiveness.  It is arrogant, rather than humble, to pretend to be anything other than what you are.

It is just like Love.  Once we accept the Love of others, and take it inside us, it becomes alive in us.  And that brings out our humility; it gets us back to the root of who we are.  We grow into our humanity and our humility as we grow in Love, just like a tree grows roots that spread wide and deep into the soil.  And the more we are nurtured in love, the more we nurture others in lovingkindness, and nurture ourselves by living our truth and sharing our true selves with others, the more we support branches and leaves that raise the consciousness of the whole world.  I am humbled by the strength of love.  I patiently let it grow.  I respect its branches.  Love is the flower born from the essence of the seed nourished by its roots (our humility, humanity and humor) and the warmth of love that shine in our hearts.

Namaste’ Helen ©Helen Berg’s Blog; www.helen-berg.com; Twitter.com/thebergword

My spirit is invincible.


Spirit cannot be destroyed.  It lives on between realms.  It can be made to blossom with the love and support of others.  We are here for a purpose.

If you like this affirmation, please go to the “Affirmations” tab on this site.

Making Love vs Sex

Man and woman holding by hands and making love heart

Man and woman joining mind, body and spirit.

I know many people that have a struggle with how making love figures into the equation of True Unconditional Love.

Some think it is a natural progression to true intimacy. Others think the physical represents the joining of mind, body and spirit, and that without true mental, emotional and spiritual intimacy, physical intimacy lack depth and breadth.

What is true intimacy? It’s a knowing of the other person’s likes, wants, needs and desires. It’s a knowing of their hopes and dreams, their deepest fears, and it’s knowing who they are right now and accepting where they are at on their spiritual journey. Once you truly know someone, you are on the path to true intimacy.

True Love is a complete acceptance of every aspect of another’s being; accepting all parts, rejecting nothing, listening to the deepest parts of them, knowing where they are at, but trying to change nothing, and realizing that it is the collection of their experiences, everything they’ve heard, read, experienced, and lived that makes them who they are. When you know and accept the other person fully, that is the beginning of true intimacy. It has nothing to do with a physical act.

Physical intimacy releases a concoction of hormones that can lead to a feeling of euphoria. It truly blocks out all pain and can elevate us to a hormone-induced “higher state.” This high is short-lived if mental, emotional and spiritual intimacy is not present. Once the sex is over, you return to your world and your physical self, without any true increase in emotional or spiritual connection. Physical intimacy can be nothing more than another drug used to escape reality if the “high” from physical intimacy is what you seek.

How do you distinguish whether making love is an extension of true intimacy or just another “high”? Ask yourself these questions: “does you partner truly know and understand you?” And, “do you really know and understand your partner?” And knowing all there is to know about the person you truly love, “do you accept every part of them?” And, “do they accept every part of you?” Acceptance is key; truly understanding with compassion is penultimate.

Since True Love has no conditions, and allows each person to fully be who they are, then each person must come to desire for physical intimacy at their own pace. Generally that happens when a person feels safe. A person feels safe when they can be their true self around the other person. It also comes when a person feels powerful. True power comes with a knowing that no person, place or thing can ever shake the peaceful center within you because you know yourself, you have nurtured yourself, and you have allowed yourself to bloom into the person you truly are indifferent to the good opinions of others. Then you will be a flower, fully open.

True intimacy cannot be forced any more than one can force a flower to blossom. One should wait until one feel known, understood and accepted. You will know this has happened when you feel comfortable and at ease in your relationship every moment of every day. When there is regular harmony and joy. Then “making love” will be a true joining of mind, body and spirit, and there will be no reservations.

“What is true of me is true of everyone. We are all learning to look within ourselves to find the wisdom to live harmoniously.” Louise Hay

Love, Helen Berg

©Helen Berg’’s Blog; www.helen-berg.com; Twitter.com/thebergword


Becoming a Butterfly

New vision standing out from the crowd business concept as a symbol of individuality and innovative thinking as a group of Monarch butterflies flying with a single special insect colored blue as an icon of creativity.

I’ve been told I’m an earth angel butterfly. Of course, we all are. I tap into the same flow of heavenly guidance available to everyone. Perhaps God gave me a special talent. I see the divinity in everyone, even when they can’t see it in themselves. I am a guide.

So often, we can’t see “up close.” We can’t see our blocks. While we feel challenged, we can’t always see its cause. So often what we think is the cause, is not the cause. Sometimes we are reacting to something much deeper: an old voice that sounded in our ears when we were children. I call it old programming. The question is: if we want to change those subconscious voices, how do we do it?

The answer lies in repeating new words, by not allowing your mind to focus on old harmful thoughts, by re-contextualizing them, and by thinking differently about oneself and life in general. In this way, your life can change one step at a time–each time you think a new and better thought.

One day I woke up and knew I had changed dramatically. But the process took a while. Sometimes, I didn’t even know that I was making little progresses. But in the aggregate, change happened and I began to see the effects in my life little by little until one day, I became the butterfly I imagined I could be.

The most important thing is to take one step, and then another. As you do, the next step appears because the universe is conspiring to allow for your success. It all begins with your desire, which moves to courage and a willingness to move forward.

Start by writing down what you want, positive feelings, positive actions, positive dreams, and things you are grateful for. Listen to guided meditations when you go to sleep and first thing in the morning. Begin the day fresh. Start there.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step…” Lao Tsu

Love, Helen Berg

For more ideas about how to become butterfly, go to www.helenberg.com.

Talking through conflict; being Brave.

Profile of a couple of man and woman breathing deep fresh air together at sunset

Profile of Peace:  I am peace; I am love; I see clearly.

A relationship requires give and take.  This is accomplished by talking and understanding each other’s feelings and dealing especially with issues that cause conflict.  How do you do this?  By being brave and having the courage to see clearly.

If you view the issue as a “problem,” then it needs to be solved.  If you view the issue as your significant other’s opportunity to see themselves more clearly, or for you to see yourself more clearly, then it isn’t a problem that needs to be solved, it is just an exploration and expression of true deep feelings.  Solving a conflict doesn’t always require action, but generally, we become happier when we do things that improve our relationships.

It’s all a matter of moving towards a better feeling thought, and better feeling actions.

If what you want is a great relationship, improving your thoughts frees you from negative mind states.  For example, thinking about and doing a caring compassion act towards your partner eliminates feelings of guilt that you may feel for being insensitive. Caring about each other’s feelings is a wonderful intimate experience, and when you see through fear and pain, it’s a fantastic feeling.

Being able to express ourselves honestly is so healthy.  Aren’t you proud of yourself when you break out of old negative patterns and move toward a new way of communicating?  That’s what happens when we think with positive insight on any conflict or situation that makes us feel uncomfortable, and re-contextualizing it.

Embracing conflict, instead of running away from it, not only allows us to successfully negotiate relationship hurdles, but also gives us a sense of accomplishment!

How to:  If necessary, get quiet, breath, take a break, and get back to your true self.  Then go out there and be honest, and listen when your partner is, too.  Understand.  Be compassionate with your partner.  Ask for compassion for your own internal struggles.  You’ll be surprised at the result.  You may even thank you partner for giving you clearer insight into your own heart.  If you practice quickly getting back to your heart center, instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, small conflicts will stay small and large ones will heal faster.

Peace and love, Helen Berg, ©Helen Berg, www.helen-berg.com;  Twitter: @thebergword.com; https://www.facebook.com/thebergword